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背影 二

XXLIN1987  ·  · 1 周前

书接上回。

上周三更新了《背影》的第一部分。今天自然是更新最后一部分。难度仍然不减,非常有可能帮助大家打消吃午饭的冲动。

文学翻译嘛,玩得就是一个心惊肉跳。

今天的内容有些多,加上参考译文在内,文字总量突破1.2W。

各位辛苦。


难度

字数:618 

建议时间:60-70

难点:连续动词的处理、零碎表达与意群的处理、故事的叙事节奏

我说道,“爸爸,你走吧。”他望车外看了看,说,“我买几个橘子去。你就在此地,不要走动。”我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。走到那边月台,须穿过铁道,须跳下去又爬上去。父亲是一个胖子,走过去自然要费事些。我本来要去的,他不肯,只好让他去。我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。他用两手攀着上面,两脚再向上缩;他肥胖的身子向左微倾,显出努力的样子。这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。我再向外看时,他已抱了朱红的橘子往回走了。过铁道时,他先将橘子散放在地上,自己慢慢爬下,再抱起橘子走。到这边时,我赶紧去搀他。他和我走到车上,将橘子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。于是扑扑衣上的泥土,心里很轻松似的,过一会说:“我走了;到那边来信!”我望着他走出去。他走了几步,回过头看见我,说,“进去吧,里边没人。”等他的背影混入来来往往的人里,再找不着了,我便进来坐下,我的眼泪又来了。

近几年来,父亲和我都是东奔西走,家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外谋生,独力支持,做了许多大事。哪知老境却如此颓唐!他触目伤怀,自然情不能自已。情郁于中,自然要发之于外;家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。他待我渐渐不同往日。但最近两年的不见,他终于忘却我的不好,只是惦记着我,惦记着我的儿子。我北来后,他写了一信给我,信中说道,“我身体平安,惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便,大约大去之期不远矣。”我读到此处,在晶莹的泪光中,又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。唉!我不知何时再能与他相见!



PART ONE

我说道,“爸爸,你走吧。”他望车外看了看,说,“我买几个橘子去。你就在此地,不要走动。”我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。走到那边月台,须穿过铁道,须跳下去又爬上去。父亲是一个胖子,走过去自然要费事些。我本来要去的,他不肯,只好让他去。我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。他用两手攀着上面,两脚再向上缩;他肥胖的身子向左微倾,显出努力的样子。这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。我再向外看时,他已抱了朱红的橘子往回走了。过铁道时,他先将橘子散放在地上,自己慢慢爬下,再抱起橘子走。到这边时,我赶紧去搀他。他和我走到车上,将橘子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。于是扑扑衣上的泥土,心里很轻松似的,过一会说:“我走了;到那边来信!”我望着他走出去。他走了几步,回过头看见我,说,“进去吧,里边没人。”等他的背影混入来来往往的人里,再找不着了,我便进来坐下,我的眼泪又来了。

1. 我说道,“爸爸,你走吧。”

“你走吧”怎么处理?you go,是不是有些怪怪呢?多少有些不礼貌的感觉。

2. 他望车外看了看,说,“我买几个橘子去。你就在此地,不要走动。”

“望车外”的准确含义,其实是“透过火车的窗户看外面”。

引号里面的内容就是梗了。“橘子”必须要会,否则对不起苹果。

“就在此地”和“不要走动”,含义上是一正一反,语义重复的感觉。呆毛,都译出来也没有问题的。一来可以尊重说话人的直接引语结构,二来可以起到强调作用。

至于具体的译文,可以考虑stay here and don’t move around。

3. 我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。

“月台”是啥?坐过火车的同学应该知道,只不过现在改叫站台了。

“卖东西的”可以考虑vendor。而“等着顾客”可以直译成wait for customers。只不过,不译也丝毫没问题的。或者,处理成前置定语,表示“闲着的”。

4. 走到那边月台,须穿过铁道,须跳下去又爬上去。

本句没有逻辑主语,可以考虑添加one或者he。“穿过铁道”,这种事现在是不能做的,因为现在的铁路都是高压电啊!

“跳下去又爬上去”要注意隐藏的含义。即:从哪里跳下去,又要爬到哪上去?

5. 父亲是一个胖子,走过去自然要费事些。

“胖子”的英文是Fat还是obese,你最好分清楚,否则容易让人愤怒。“走过去”是走到哪里?其实指的就是完成第四句里面的那一系列动作。

至于“费事”就是“困难、有难度”。

6. 我本来要去的,他不肯,只好让他去。

“本来要去的”没啥可说的,可以考虑副词initially。而“不肯”可以是refuse。其实,此处也我隐藏的含义:“不肯”的宾语是什么?其实指的是“不肯让我去,或者不肯接受我的建议”。

至于“让他去”,小学生都会,大学生不可能不会。而且,本句的内容表达结构比较碎,翻译时最好适当让句子紧凑些。

7. 我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。

“黑布小帽”会不会?实在不会,就直接是black hat。“大马褂”是啥?这英文有些不太好想,那就直接模糊处理:coat之类的。“棉袍”呢?robe或者gown。

“蹒跚地”totter,而“探身下去”是什么动作?其实就是从月台上跳到铁路上。

而且,本句里面的动作比较多,都要翻译成动词吗?值得思考。而且,除了动作还有人物描写,直接处理成并列关系,想必译文尴尬到地球爆炸。

8. 可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。

本句没啥可说的了。这些动作前面的句子都已经说过了。

9. 他用两手攀着上面,两脚再向上缩;他肥胖的身子向左微倾,显出努力的样子。

“攀着上面”是哪的上面?明显是指的月台的边缘。而“攀”是“抓”的含义。

“两脚再向上缩”的画面感比较强。经常偷邻居家小鸡的同学,应该都知道这是怎样的翻墙动作。

“向左微倾”可以考虑lean,而“显出努力的样子”的动作“显出”是appear吗?不建议,更像是在说“确实在努力”。

10. 这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。

本句的内容不多,但要注意逻辑关系。前半句明显可以处理成背景状语,后半句当作主句。

至于措辞的理解和表达,难度不高。

11. 我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。

“拭干了泪”都得会,毕竟学翻译的人哪个没流过泪。

“怕”的动作可以处理成ing或者形容词结构,当作前半句的伴随状语。

12. 我再向外看时,他已抱了朱红的橘子往回走了。

“向外看”的含义,同样是“透过车窗向外看”。只不过,此处可以直接简化成look outside。

“朱红的”的什么颜色?red orange,是不是有些怪呢?而且,“抱”和“走”这两个动词是并列吗?

明显不是的。

13. 过铁道时,他先将橘子散放在地上,自己慢慢爬下,再抱起橘子走。

“散放在地上”简单点,就是put…on the ground。

本句的动作同样非常多,要注意是不是都要处理成谓语动词,或者说,哪些动词更重要。

14. 到这边时,我赶紧去搀他。

“到这边时”是哪边?自然是作者火车所在的这边。“搀”是什么动作?support him with my hand。

15. 他和我走到车上,将橘子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。

“一股脑儿”就是“全部”的含义。

本句有两个动词,是并列关系吗?不是,而是明显的时间顺序。

16. 于是扑扑衣上的泥土,心里很轻松似的,过一会说:“我走了;到那边来信!”

“扑扑”可以考虑dust。而“心里很轻松似的”明显可以处理成前面的伴随状语。

“我走了”怎么处理?突然想到美剧里面的I’ve gotta go。“到那边来信”一出现,就得问问大家:你写过信吗?

想当年上初中和高中的时候,手机还没有进入千万家,写信是一种乐趣,也是一种盼望。各位同学,你写过信吗?知道怎么贴邮票吗?

17. 我望着他走出去。

本句没啥可说的。

18. 他走了几步,回过头看见我,说,“进去吧,里边没人。”

本句的动词是三个,是并列关系吗?此处,同样需要思考多个动词的重要性程度是否相同。

“看见我”不是真的see me,而是look at me。

“进去吧,里边没人”是啥意思?为什么说“里面没人”呢?此处,有些不太明白了。

19. 等他的背影混入来来往往的人里,再找不着了,我便进来坐下,我的眼泪又来了。

“混入”可以考虑blend。“来来往往的人”简单点的话,直接就是the crowds。“进来”隐藏一个对象:火车里面。

“我的眼泪又来了”,此时此刻,谁能不理解父亲的那种深沉的爱呢?

参考译文

“Father, you can leave now,” I said. 

But looking out of the window, he said, “I want to buy you some oranges. Stay here and don’t go around.” 

Beyond the fence of the opposite platform, there were indeed some idle vendors. But to reach them, he had to cross the tracks by jumping up and down the platform. It was somewhat difficult as he was fat. Initially I decided to go by myself, but had to give up because he insisted. Then I saw him, wearing a black hat, a black jacket and a dark blue cotton-padded gown, totter to the edge of the platform and slowly climb down – it seemed not that difficult. However, it was not that easy to cross the tracks and climb up that platform. He gripped the edge of the platform with both hands and hoisted both legs up; his fat body slightly leaned to the left, an apparently difficult move. Seeing his back, I found tears streaming down my face. I wiped them away quickly, fearing that he and others might see them. 

When I looked outside again, he was already on his way back with yellow oranges in his arms. To cross the tracks, he put the oranges on the ground, climbed down the platform and then picked up the oranges. When he came near the train, I rushed to support him by the arm. Inside the train, he placed all the oranges on my coat and dusted off his clothes with evident relief. 

After a while, he said, “I’ve gotta go. Write to me once you get there.” He walked outside. But after a few steps, he turned back and looked at me, saying, “Go inside. It is empty there”. 

When he faded into the crowds and his back disappeared from view, I returned to my seat. Tears were flowing again. 

张培基译文

I said, “Dad, you might leave now.” But he looked out of window and said, “I'm going to buy you some tangerines. You just stay here. Don't move around.” I caught sight of several vendors waiting for customers outside the railings beyond a platform. But to reach that platform would require crossing the railway track and doing some climbing up and down. That would be a strenuous job for father, who was fat. I wanted to do all that myself, but he stopped me, so I could do nothing but let him go. I watched him hobble towards the railway track in his black skullcap, black cloth mandarin jacket and dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown. He had little trouble climbing down the railway track, but it was a lot more difficult for him to climb up that platform after crossing the railway track. His hands held onto the upper part of the platform, his legs huddled up and his corpulent body tipped slightly towards the left, obviously making an enormous exertion. While I was watching him from behind, tears gushed from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away lest he or others should catch me crying. The next moment when I looked out of the window again, father was already on the way back, holding bright red tangerines in both hands. In crossing the railway track, he first put the tangerines on the ground, climbed down slowly and then picked them up again. When he came near the train, I hurried out to help him by the hand. After boarding the train with me, he laid all the tangerines on my overcoat, and patting the dirt off his clothes, he looked somewhat relieved and said after a while, “I must be going now. Don’t forget to write me from Beijing!” I gazed after his back retreating out of the carriage. After a few steps, he looked back at me and said, “Go back to your seat. Don't leave your things alone.” I, however, did not go back to my seat until his figure was lost among crowds of people hurrying to and fro and no longer visible. My eyes were again wet with tears.

杨宪益、戴乃迭译文

“Don’t wait, father,” I said.

He looked out of the window.

“I’ll just buy you a few tangerines,” he said. “Wait here, and don’t wander off.”

Just outside the station were some vendors. To reach them he had to cross the lines, which involved jumping down from the platform and clambering up again. As my father is a stout man this was naturally not easy for him. But when I volunteered to go instead he would not hear of it. So I watched him in his black cloth cap and jacket and dark blue cotton-padded gown, as he waddled to the tracks and climbed slowly down – not so difficult after all. But when he had crossed the lines he had trouble clambering up the other side. He clutched the platform with both hands and tried to heave his legs up, straining to the left. At the sight of his burly back tears started to my eyes, but I wiped them hastily so that neither he nor anyone else might see them. When next I looked out he was on his way back with some ruddy tangerines. He put these on the platform before climbing slowly down to cross the lines, which he did after picking the fruit up. When he reached my side I was there to help him up. We boarded the train together and he plumped the tangerines down on my coat. Then he brushed the dust from his clothes, as if that was a weight off his mind.

“I’ll be going now, son,” he said presently. “Write to me once you get there.”

I watched him walk away. After a few steps he turned back to look at me.

“Go on in!” he called. “There’s no one in the compartment.”

When his back disappeared among the bustling crowd I went in and sat down, and my eyes were wet again.

注:

本段的内容实在太多,个人建议适当切分段落,否则读起来有些累。


PART TWO

近几年来,父亲和我都是东奔西走,家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外谋生,独力支持,做了许多大事。哪知老境却如此颓唐!他触目伤怀,自然情不能自已。情郁于中,自然要发之于外;家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。他待我渐渐不同往日。但最近两年的不见,他终于忘却我的不好,只是惦记着我,惦记着我的儿子。我北来后,他写了一信给我,信中说道,“我身体平安,惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便,大约大去之期不远矣。”我读到此处,在晶莹的泪光中,又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。唉!我不知何时再能与他相见!

1. 近几年来,父亲和我都是东奔西走,家中光景是一日不如一日。

“东奔西走”可不是travel around the country,而是“到处奔波”,可以rush from place to place for livelihood。

“家中光景”指的是family finance,而“一日不如一日”就是“一天不如一天”,就是worsen day by day或者deteriorate。

2. 他少年出外谋生,独力支持,做了许多大事。

“出外谋生” 处理得简单点:leave home to seek livelihood。而“独力支持”指的是“自己照顾自己,或者成为独立的人”。

后面的“大事”可以考虑big things。或者,形容词换成proud achievements。

3. 哪知老境却如此颓唐!

“老境”就是“老年的时候”。“颓唐”指的是“过得不好、生活不如意”。

4. 他触目伤怀,自然情不能自已。

“触目伤怀”,解释出来,“看到这一切,心里难过”。“情不能自已”就是“无法压抑自己的情绪”或者“难免陷入伤怀”。

5. 情郁于中,自然要发之于外;家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。

“情郁于中”说人话,“内心的抑郁之情”。“发之于外”是说“释放出来”。“家庭琐屑”就是平时咱们说的“鸡毛蒜皮的小事”,可以考虑trivia。

“触他之怒”,就是让他生气。说到这个表达,《我们都知道》系列视频里面讲过的,还记得吗?

6. 他待我渐渐不同往日。

本句说得有些文言文的感觉,转成白话:他现在对待我的方式和以前不一样的。

7. 但最近两年的不见,他终于忘却我的不好,只是惦记着我,惦记着我的儿子。

“两年的不见”是说“最近两年没有见面”。“我的不好”指的是“我的坏处”,是bad points吗?表达成立,但感觉有些怪。综合理解,其实是说父亲越来越tolerant了。

“惦记”是啥?是牵挂,是思念。可以考虑miss或者care about或者not stop think about。

后面的“儿子”看起来简单,但有处小细节:几个?一个儿子,就是son。两个以上就是sons。此处咱也不知道具体几个,所以可单可复。

这就是细节。要想译文如无缝钢管般丝滑,细节处的斟酌是必不可少的。

8. 我北来后,他写了一信给我,信中说道,“我身体平安,惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便,大约大去之期不远矣。”

“北来”指的是“来到北京“。前面的内容就已经提示过了。

“信中说道”不要直译了,直接处理成saying做从句就可以。

后面的引号内容要注意,要学会处理和尊重直接引语!“身体平安”处理成body is peaceful的同学,不要学翻译了,去羞辱其它学科吧。

“惟”可以考虑处理成except。而“膀子疼痛厉害”可以处理成severe pain on the shoulder。呆毛,人有两个肩膀,作者的父亲是两个都疼还是一个疼?

这又涉及到英文名词单复数的形态选择了。

“举箸提笔”不知道什么意思的话,重返幼儿园学它个三年五年的再出来学翻译。“诸多不便”呼应前面的“膀子疼痛”,是说:因为肩膀疼,导致很多生活里的不便(问题),比如“举箸提笔”的时候。

“大去之期”,估计大家也能看得出来,是父亲在说自己可能马上就是驾鹤西游了。此处直译成the day to die,太怪了。措辞的选择就显得特别重要。

9. 我读到此处,在晶莹的泪光中,又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。

“读到此处”明显可以处理成状语。“在晶莹的泪光中”原文形式上是状语,翻译时可以考虑变成through shining tears的结构。至于前面搭配的动词,自然就是后面的“看见”。

“肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影”要注意,有坑。背影的定语,在英文里面是不可能用前面的内容形容的。这些定语,可以修饰人,不能修饰背影,对不?

所以,要理顺正确的修饰关系。

10. 唉!我不知何时再能与他相见!

本句非常扎心,也非常感怀。

参考译文

My father and I have rushed from place to place over recent years, but the financial situation of our family has deteriorated day by day. When he was young, my father left home to seek a livelihood and at last he could provide for himself and made many proud achievements. Then, why does he lead such a dismal life at old age? At the sight of the mess in the family, he naturally sank into sorrow and since negative emotions needed to be vented, trivial family matters often raised his hackles. Moreover, he began to treat me differently than before. However, over the two recent years during which we didn’t see each other, he has been more forgiving to me and never stopped thinking about me and my son. Upon my return to Beijing, he wrote a letter to me, saying that “I am quite well except severe shoulder pains. It is even difficult to pick up chopsticks and writing brushes. I am afraid that my time in this world may come to an end soon.” Reading those words, tears welled in my eyes and I saw the back of a stout man in a dark blue gown and a black jacket. Well, when will I see him again? I don’t know. 

张培基译文

In recent years, both father and I have been living an unsettled life, and the circumstances of our family going from bad to worse. Father left home to seek a livelihood when young and did achieve quite a few things all on his own. To think that he should now be so downcast in old age! The discouraging state of affairs filled him with an uncontrollable feeling of deep sorrow, and his pent-up emotion had to find a vent. That is why even mere domestic trivialities would often make him angry, and meanwhile he became less and less nice with me. However, the separation of the last two years has made him more forgiving towards me. He keeps thinking about me and my son. After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in which he says. “I’m all right except for a severe pain in my arm. I even have trouble using chopsticks or writing brushes. Perhaps it won’t be long now before I depart this life.” Through the glistening tears which these words had brought to my eyes I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form in the dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown and the black cloth mandarin jacket. Oh, how I long to see him again.

杨宪益、戴乃迭译文

The last few years father and I have been moving from place to place, while things have been going from bad to worse at home. When he left his family as a young man to look for a living, he succeeded in supporting himself and did extremely well. No one could have foreseen such a come-down in his old age! The thought of this naturally depressed him, and as he had to vent his irritation somehow, he often lost his temper over trifles. That was why his manner towards me had gradually changed. But during these last two years of separation he has forgotten my faults and simply wants to see me and my son. After I came north he wrote to me:

“My health is all right, only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the pen. Probably the end is not far away. ”

When I read this, through a mist of tears I saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket once more as his burly figure walked away from me. Shall we ever meet again?

至此,这篇著名文章的汉英翻译就讲解结束了。

其实,这篇材料的翻译讲解,如果是在大学翻译课上讲,完全可以讲个十节八节的。从人物生平、到文字措辞,从感情理解,到句式结构,各个方面都有得讲,有得说。

认真学习这篇文章的理解与表达思路,大有裨益。

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