正文
Nestle up. Sit on my knees, pull a blanket over the both of us, and proffer that little ear of yours. I’ll let you in on a secret.
来，坐过来，坐我膝盖上，毯子盖好了，耳朵伸过来，我有个秘密要和你说。
Life … is hard.
人生实在是…太艰难了。
How much less painful might your futile quest for meaning have been if, in your formative years (ideally between six months and a year), someone had pulled you aside and whispered those three words? But they didn’t. They did no such thing. They
swaddled you in cotton wool
, fed you Calippos and asked you to pin down the whereabouts of a wandering man known only as Wally. As the Rembrandts sang: “So no one told you life was gonna be this way – clap, clap, clap, clap.” You were not prepared, not in the slightest, for the burns inflicted by the carpet we call life.
如果在成长阶段，有人把你拉到一旁，偷偷告诉你这句话，那么日后（通常半年到一年内）你在探求人生意义却徒劳无获的时候，得到的痛苦是不是就会少一些？但没有人这么做过，人们根本不会这么做。他们会
让你生活在温室之中
，给你吃点可丽波（Calippos），然后叫你找一名叫做威利的流浪汉的下落（译者注：威利是英国插画家Martin Handford创作的儿童书籍《威利在哪里？》主人公。阅读这本书的目标就是在一张人山人海的图片中找出一个特定的人物——沃利。）正如伦勃朗乐队（the Rembrandts）的歌中所唱道的那样：“没有人告诉你生活会是这样的（拍手、拍手、拍手、拍手）”，对于生活这件“长满虱子的华丽袍子”，你毫无准备。
swaddle
/
'swɒdl/to wrap a baby tightly to keep it warm and protect it 用襁褓包裹〔婴孩〕
And the fact that no one warned you – the fact that, as you farted and giggled your way through babyhood and then childhood, you were blind to life’s clenched fist – is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, yes, you must have led a charmed, strawberry existence; but in adulthood it all comes as a bit of a shock when the cotton wool begins to tear, the Calippos make your teeth hurt, and you realise Wally sold his soul to go and work in PR.
事实上，没有人警告过你人生如此艰难。事实上，你就这么放着屁、傻笑着度过了整个幼年和童年时代，并不知道生活正攥紧着它的拳头，准备随时给你一击——这是一种幸福，也是一种不幸。一方面，你度过了草莓般甜蜜又美好的时光，但长大后，温室突然开始崩塌，可丽波吃多了开始牙疼，你才意识到沃利早已出卖了自己的灵魂，开始在公关部门工作。
