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For years, your friends, family members, and medical professionals will doubt your continued homosexual confessions. They will tell you that you “haven’t met the right man.” Sex with women is fine. That’s allowed. You can be “experimental,” a titillating object of the male gaze. You can be fluid. But you want to partner with a woman? No no. You must be mistaken. You tend to believe them, because you’ve been conditioned to disbelieve yourself, to instead defer to the voices of others.
You will experience years of confusion about your sexuality, because you haven’t been taught to prioritize your own sexual desire. None of your female friends orgasm anyway. And if they do, it’s definitely not from penetration. Everyone’s a little in love with their best friend, right? Maybe you just haven’t met the right man.
The word “crazy” continues to come up whenever you discuss your love life, because mainstream society still associates lesbian love with mental instability. If you’re femme-presenting, you will hear wildly homophobic statements in your presence. You will hear people opine about single brothers, cousins, uncles who are “obviously gay,” which doesn’t bother you. But then you’ll hear them mention their unhinged friend, about whom they express a performative concern, tinged with excitement: “She went to rehab and then she dated a woman…. That’s just Crazy Carrie for you!”
