In our house, English is not English. Not in the phonetic sense, like short
a
is for
apple
, but rather in the pronunciation – in our house,
snake
is
snack
. Words do not roll off our tongues correctly – yet I, who was pulled out of class to meet with language specialists, and my mother from Malaysia, who pronounces
film
as
flim
, understand each other perfectly.
在我们家，英语不是英语，这不是从语音学意义上来说的（比如a代表apple），而是指发音上的。在我们家，“snake”（蛇）会被读成“snack”（小吃）。我们无法让英语单词正确地脱口而出。我在班里常被揪出来让语言专家纠正发音。我那来自马来西亚的妈妈，总是把“film”说成“flim”。但是我们完全能听得懂对方。
In our house, there is no difference between
cast
and
cash
, which was why at a church retreat, people made fun of me for “
cashing
out demons.” I did not realize the glaring difference between the two Englishes until my teacher corrected my pronunciations of
hammock
,
ladle
, and
siphon
. Classmates laughed because I pronounce
accept
as
except
,
success
as
sussess
. I was in the Creative Writing conservatory, and yet words failed me when I needed them most.
在我们家，“cast”（抛掷）和“cash”（现金）没有分别，这就是为什么在教会退休会，人们常常取笑我说的“cashing out demons”（本应为“casting out demons”，赶鬼）。我一直没有意识到这两个英语单词之间的差异，直到老师纠正了我的hammock、ladle、和siphon的发音，才恍然大悟。同学们笑我，因为我将accept（接受）读成except（除外），将success读成sussess。尽管我参加了创意写作，但常常词不达意。
Suddenly, understanding
flower
is
flour
wasn’t enough. I rejected the English that had never seemed broken before, a language that had raised me and taught me everything I knew. Everybody else’s parents spoke with accents smarting of Ph.D.s and university teaching positions. So why couldn’t mine?
突然，我明白了，只懂得“flower”和“flour”发音相同是不够的。我开始逐渐摆脱那些伴随着我长大的、教会了我一切的英语，既然其他人的父母都能说一口博士、大学教授般的流利英语，为什么我的父母不能呢？
My mother spread her sunbaked hands and said, “This is where I came from,” spinning a tale with the English she had taught herself.
我的母亲摊开她那双饱经日晒的双手说：“我就是从这儿来的”，接着用自学的英语讲了一个故事。
When my mother moved from her village to a town in Malaysia, she had to learn a brand new language in middle school: English. In a time when humiliation was encouraged, my mother was defenseless against the cruel words spewing from the teacher, who criticized her paper in front of the class. When she began to cry, the class president stood up and said, “That’s enough.”
当我母亲还在马来西亚的时候，她从一个小村庄搬到了城镇，在读初中的她不得不学一门全新的语言：英语。当时很多人以羞辱别人为乐，她只能无力地忍受着老师当着全班的面，用残酷的语言批评她的作文。当她开始哭泣时，班长站起来说“够了”。
“Be like that class president,” my mother said with tears in her eyes. The class president took her under her wing and patiently mended my mother’s strands of language. “She stood up for the weak and used her words to fight back.”
妈妈含着泪说：“要像那个班长一样”。班长处处护着她，还耐心纠正她的语言。“她为弱者挺身而出，用自己的语言反抗。”
萧靖彤和妈妈
We were both crying now. My mother asked me to teach her proper English so old white ladies at Target wouldn’t laugh at her pronunciation. It has not been easy. There is a measure of guilt when I sew her letters together. Long vowels, double consonants — I am still learning myself. Sometimes I let the brokenness slide to spare her pride but perhaps I have hurt her more to spare mine.
我们母女两都哭了。母亲要我教她正确的英语，这样Target商场的白人老太太就不会嘲笑她的发音了。这并不容易。当我把她的话拼缀在一起时，会有一种歉疚感。长元音、双辅音，其实这些我自己也仍在学习。有时，她说得不好，我也装作不知道，以免挫败她的自尊心，但这样反而让她受到了更多伤害。
