正文
Dear Liza,
亲爱的丽莎，
I’m a 32-year-old woman who would like to have kids and a life partner in the not-so-distant future. And lucky me! I’ve recently started dating an excellent candidate. But I can’t even pretend to think it’s possible (or desirable) to have sex with just one person for the rest of my life or even, frankly, for a few years.
我是一名32岁的女性，希望能在不远的未来生孩子，并找到终生伴侣，而幸运的是，我最近开始有了一位交往中的优质候选人。然而对我来说，余生只和一个人发生性关系这件事，别说是不是好事了，根本就是无法设想的；这种生活方式别说一生了，根本就连保持几年都不可能。
Monogamy feels antithetical to the type of feminism and anticapitalism I subscribe to. I am repulsed by the idea of being a man’s property. Also, monogamy—like capitalism—requires us to believe in a false scarcity: that we have to struggle for every little bit and that everything we gain comes at someone else’s expense. The kind of liberatory future I’d like to see is one of abundance and generosity and sharing. One of the few places we can experiment with that now is in our love lives.
我认为一夫一妻制与我所信奉的女权主义和反资本主义是相互矛盾的：我对于成为一个男人的财产这件事感到十分反感。而且，与资本主义一样，一夫一妻制要求我们相信一种虚伪的稀缺性，即：（婚姻的）每分每毫都需要我们奋力争取，且我们获得的一切都是从他人那里掠夺而来。我心目中的解放未来是充裕的，是慷慨的，是共享的；而目前我们能够对此进行尝试的地方只有我们的感情生活。
But ALL the decent men I’ve dated are really opposed to open relationships, while the men I’ve slept with who say they fancy the idea don’t ever stick around long enough for the “relationship” part of an open relationship.
但我交往过的
所有
靠谱男人都极其反对开放式关系，而在我睡过的男人里，那些赞同这个想法的往往溜得太快，根本就无法满足开放式关系中的“关系”一词。
This leaves me feeling like once I find a partner, the options are: 1) cheating (crummy and unethical, also a big anxiety-inducing headache); 2) waiting for the mythical “one” who will magically make me never attracted to anyone else (I’m fairly certain this is a hoax); or 3) retire from my glorious days as a loud, proud slut and gradually wither away inside as I suffocate one of the parts of my life, personality, and politics I cherish most. Please tell me there is another option out there.
这让我觉得，一旦我找到了伴侣，留给我的选择就只有：1. 偷情（这既低劣又不道德，还会让人头痛焦虑）2. 等待那个神秘的“真命天子”出现，他会神奇地使我再也不对其他人感兴趣（我觉得这种说法肯定是忽悠人的）3. 从我那辉煌的岁月中退却，不再是那个自豪敢言的荡妇，扼杀我所珍爱的人生、人格和政治生活，内心渐渐萎缩。请给我指条明路吧。
—A Marxist-Feminist Slut
——一名马克思女权主义荡妇
Dear Slut,
亲爱的荡妇，
Yes, there are better options! With your new boyfriend, treat this as you would any other major difference you have before settling down together: patiently and by tolerating some contingencies. If you wanted to live on the noisiest corner in Bushwick and your partner was happiest in rural Tennessee, you might take turns living in each other’s preferred locale, finding unexpected delights there. Experiment with a period of monogamy—remember, many people are most jealousy-prone early in a relationship—on the condition that he agrees to consider other arrangements in the future. Or perhaps some adventures are more acceptable to him than others. (Group sex only? Dalliances that take place out of town? No exes or class enemies?) If so, are you open to such compromises? And please attend closely to the tone of these conversations—you need to be able to discuss your desires with him without being made to feel immoral, disgusting, or greedy. If such talks give you hope, hang in there! If not, he might not be your future baby daddy.
